I graduated from Durham a few weeks ago. The plan was to start a law conversion in September.
But things have changed quite a lot since then. I’ve been diagnosed with two different types of cancer. Not exactly how I thought my summer would have panned out.
It all started when I found a lump on my neck pretty much the last day of uni after coming back from our girls trip to Majorca. I initially phoned 111 but they were no help at all. FaceTimed Mum and Dad and they said probably would be a good idea to go and get it checked out. Managed to get to hospital and book in an appointment at 2am (was currently 11pm). Came back home for a couple hours sleep then made my way back. The doctor really wasn’t much help at all other than telling me it was urgent to get an ultrasound booked in ASAP. At this point I was still thinking that it was just some swollen lymph nodes fighting some sort of infection because I’d drank too much on holiday or caught something on the plane etc. and was mostly just annoyed at having to stay up so late!
My train back to bath was at 10am the following morning so running on very little sleep made my way back home. Phoned Nuffield (Private GP in Bristol as I was still registered in Durham) and luckily managed to get an appointment on Monday (was currently Friday). Monday rolled around and as predicted was referred for an ultrasound – expected to be seen within a couple weeks but randomly they had availability that afternoon. Mum and I drove home as had seen the GP mid morning, I then drove myself back that afternoon to get the scan while Mum and Dad went to Charlotte’s speech day.
The ultrasound was done by Mandy – the consultant radiologist. I can’t really remember everything she said but something along the lines of: “It looks like there are two separate things going on here – something in the gland that has swollen and something else down the side of your neck. Come to the hospital on Friday when the pathologist is also in and we will do a biopsy and figure out exactly what is going on”. I could tell there maybe was something a tad more serious going on than I had initially anticipated but never did I think it would be what I later found out.
Anyway, on the Wednesday I ended up receiving a phone call from the GP I had seen on Monday morning. I was at home by myself. I can’t remember again exactly what was said but it was definitely the first time the word ‘cancer’ was used. it was quite scary and I didn’t really know what to do or what to say. I remember her saying, “Best case is this is thyroid cancer and everything will still be on for Sept re. the law conversion. Worst case scenario is this is lymphoma which will be a lot more complicated and complex to deal with”. I don’t recall how I really responded or what I said, I think was probably just in shock at that point. When the call ended, I remember looking at Find My looking to see where Mum was and what time she would be home.
I waited about 45mins for Mum to get back and basically just tried to relay what the GP had said on the phone. I don’t think I articulated it very well and wasn’t even sure if I had heard correctly. I just remember Mum’s face and her physical shaking. It was then that I think I really heard/understood the reality of what the doc had said. We ended up calling her back because I wanted to make sure I was telling Mum exactly the right thing and she basically repeated the same thing again.
We ended up going on a walk and just talking things through a bit and I didn’t really know what to do/how to reassure mum. Felt like we were both in the deep end a bit. Phoned Dad, who was in Egypt and he subsequently came home (poor him after only having been there something stupid like 17hrs or something). He was much more sceptical about the doctor and how she was able to diagnose from just the ultrasound. A few years prior Olivia had a tumour on her leg that was initially misdiagnosed as malignant.
Robin came the following day I think and I told him all about what was going on. There was still quite a lot of doubt at this point as Dad had emailed the GP for some clarification on the situation and she replied, ‘Just to be clear this is not a cancer diagnosis…”, so emotions were all a bit high and low as we figured out what was really happening.
By this point it was Friday and we had to be at the Dental Hospital for 8:30am before the clinic was open which meant leaving the house super early. Both Mum and Dad were with me for this appointment. I went in to see Mandy again and she did another ultrasound and a biopsy of my neck swelling. The pathologist was next door and was doing tests in real time.
We then met Mr Hughes the maxillofacial surgeon for the first time. He was amazing, very straightforward and direct but also very kind and caring. He strongly hypothesised at this point that I had thyroid cancer (& nothing else). We all left that appointment feeling quite strange and a bit scared I think but reassured that there was a clear treatment plan involving the surgery and subsequent recovery. The next thing to do was get an MRI which would help the team plan the surgery.
Between all of this happening I had both my sisters and my own graduations. Both were absolutely amazing days of celebration, so much fun and beautiful weather thankfully too. They were the best distractions and reminded me of all the things I had to be grateful for.
On the way back from my graduation, Mr Hughes called saying that 1. the results of the biopsy were still yet to come in and 2. there was a high likelihood that surgery could happen next Thursday (8 days time). It was quite the shock because I feel like I hadn’t heard from him in a while and then all of a sudden the surgery was happening very soon. Quite a lot to wrap my head around but I was happy at the prospect of a speedy surgery. The pre-op was booked in for the following Tuesday along with another consultation with Dr Hughes.
Tuesday rolled around and we headed off to the hospital again. I can’t exactly remember this meeting but this was the first time I was told that the possibility of lymphoma was high. The overwhelming feeling I think was confusion – how could I have two cancers that are supposedly completely unrelated? What had I done to cause this? And then the fear came after that – what would treatment look like? How long would it be? What does that mean for all my plans? All my summer holidays had obviously all already been cancelled but my mind went back to that initial call from the doctor saying that lymphoma treatment would have knock on effects for many more months. My mind raced to things like fertility, hair loss etc. all the things that come with more serious treatment. It was very overwhelming and all felt like quite a lot to deal with, I cried as we left the room. I was also told in this appointment that the thyroid surgery would have to wait. Until they knew for certain what was going on with the other diagnosis, it would make the operation a lot more difficult as soon as it becomes not a routine procedure.
We went for a drink at a cafe and sat in silence for a good while, all trying to digest the information we had just been given. We tried to walk for a bit after that but it started tipping with rain; we decided to stop and just head back to the car. It was at this point that I got a phone call saying that my pre-op had been cancelled. It was quite a relief really because it just meant we could go home.
I can’t really remember what I said to people during this limbo stage – knowing that there probably was something more but nothing that was confirmed or diagnosed yet. Because the surgery was cancelled, it meant I now had the rest of the week free so I decided to take Robin and his family’s offer of a trip to the Lakes! It was the much needed distraction I needed, a break from home, from thinking about everything too much, from being with my amazing and sweet but very worried parents. We did some beautiful walks, an art class and played lots of games which made those few days everything I really needed.
I then came home and had a PET scan on the Monday. It was a bit like an MRI but I was injected with a radioactive sugar that would basically highlight the areas with high metabolic rates I think (basically the cancerous parts). The whole thing took a while because I had to wait for an hour for the injection to be absorbed and then do the scan which took about an hour in and of itself. It wasn’t too bad but came away feeling pretty nauseous and also was radioactive for 8hrs so forbid from touching either Charlotte or the dog. Luckily was the afternoon so the following morning I was back to normal!
The next day I got a phone call thinking it was from the doctors but turns out it was actually the law firm I had done my vacation scheme with. I had been offered a training contract!!!! I was literally over the moon, only 4 out of 600 applicants had got it and I couldn’t have been happier. All this however was clouded by the fact that I was still so unsure about timelines and what things would look like in Sept ’27. I verbally accepted and hoped that things would be flexible with the firm if need be and tried to revel in the happiness as much as I could.
That wasn’t very easy though because no more than 8mins later I had another call, this time it was Dr Hughes. Every Tuesday the team have a big MDT meeting and I had been discussed apparently at length because of the rare case of having these two cancers simultaneously. He was vying for a surgery sooner rather than later but because the thyroid is a slower growing, less violent cancer it can afford to be dealt with after the lymphoma, when the surgery would probably be more simple too. On the call, he basically was seconding everything he had brought up the week before but saying another biopsy was needed as the last sample did not provide enough answers in terms of a lymphoma diagnosis. I would have to come in tomorrow to get this done. It was quite a long conversation but at least we now knew things were getting closer to being narrowed down.
Went in for the biopsy the following day. Mandy did three big samples. We met with Mr Hughes both before and after and just talked through what the plan was. He basically just reiterated what was said on the phone (that the thyroid op would be postponed). I wanted to ask a lot of questions about the lymphoma, the treatment and side effects etc. but because he was on the thyroid team I knew he wouldn’t really know a lot of the answers. Also without having a specific diagnosis at this point it would have mostly just been hypothetical anyway. The best thing about this day was the results of the PET scan which had only been received by the team that morning. The tumours were luckily all only around my neck and chest area, they hadn’t spread to my groin which was the fear as I had felt lumps there too. Mandy had done an ultrasound at the same time as the biopsies too just to double check and all looked completely normal which was the biggest relief. If they had been malignant then that would be Stage 4 and would therefore involve a lot more intensive treatment and have much bigger consequences on fertility, hair loss and possibly length of treatment too etc. As it stood, they suggested that it was Stage 2 which was as good as we could’ve hoped.
That pretty much brings us up to date which where things stand at the moment. I’m going in to meet the Lymphoma team on Friday (it’s now Monday) hopefully by which time they will have the results of the biopsy and able to provide us with a bit more certainty about timelines and treatment plans.
Having time away in the Lakes and managing to get away to Devon for a couple days has been lovely, seeing lots of family and friends and making the most of life while things feel a bit more normal, keeping distracted and grateful for everything I’m still able to do before that becomes even harder.
It’s all moved pretty quickly. I still don’t fully have the language for it, so I’m writing here in an attempt to partly understand it myself but also to keep a record for the future. I’m not sure what this blog will become. I just want a space to write things down while life is being restructured and keep track of how I’m feeling amongst all this uncertainty.
Jotting Instead 